“I’m considering breaking up with my friend over petty stinginess”
Navigating friendship and finances: one person’s dilemma with a friend’s stingy habits. Should they cut it off?
I am 34 years old and have been with my current partner for 5 years. He's 30. I set up my own business in 2018 and it's taken a long time for me to build my earnings up. My boyfriend has earned more than double my salary for the entirety of our relationship.
I own the flat that we live in now. I got on the property ladder at 25 because I decided to buy a house with my ex-boyfriend; working hard and saving up to do that. Subsequently we split up, my ex bought me out, and I bought a different place on my own. My current partner and I have always spilt everything 50/50 (including mortgage and bills).
We’re getting to the point where we’d like to buy a slightly bigger place and I also have some plans to travel before we think about having children. Whilst I’d like to travel with him, I’m also happy to solo travel and I’d prefer that he focuses on saving for a house. I'm also currently funding 100% of egg freezing treatment in an attempt to delay having children.
I have about £100K of equity in my property right now. His family believe I’m being too ‘business minded’ and that I should put 100% of the deposit down on a home for us because my boyfriend hasn’t saved for it.
It makes me feel really uncomfortable when they mention it, and they do almost every time we see them. The financial impact would mean that I would lose the opportunity to do anything else meaningful with the money that I would get from from selling the current flat. His family comments are getting to me and I haven’t yet but might have to say something soon. Perhaps they think I earn more money than I do?
I’m just focusing on the things I can control, like saving for the travel I want to do and trying to ignore his family when they make comments and hoping my boyfriend will manage to save some money soon.
I’m waiting to see what he does. I feel like a turning point will come if he manages or does not manage to save some money in the next year or so.
I don’t have the energy to encourage my boyfriend to budget and save anymore. I just don’t know if I’m being a selfish person by expecting him to contribute to 50% of the deposit or whether that’s actually the fairest thing given our earnings. I feel like I'm a selfish person for wanting things to be equal. I'm by nature a generous person but the principle of this makes me feel like it's unfair. I'd like to travel for a couple of years but to be honest I wish I was in a position to start a family sooner and didn't feel like I had to freeze my eggs. I worry this is going to make us feel more disconnected and make me resent him.
Navigating friendship and finances: one person’s dilemma with a friend’s stingy habits. Should they cut it off?
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